The Nocturne

by The Nocturne

Converting imagination into reality. One blurry idea at a time

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The Red Shoes

She had been standing at the shop window for twenty minutes. She couldn’t take her eyes off them. She was enthralled by the shape, the design and most importantly, the vivid red colour. She knew none of her classmates had such a pair. Wouldn’t she be the centre of attention at her best friend Heena’s birthday party next week, when she would walk in wearing these beautifully crafted red designer shoes?

Tanya’s thoughts were broken when she received a gentle tap on her shoulder. She looked up to see her mother with a questioning look in her eyes, which almost seemed to say ‘What’s going on?’ Tanya long believed that her mother had superpowers for she would always know what she, Tanya, was thinking. She wasn’t wrong either, all mothers have a superpower like that.

She didn’t say anything, but merely tilted her head towards the shoe shop window with an imploring look in her eyes. Her

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Phrases That Have To Go

If someone ever took the time out from their oh-so-busy schedules to contemplate on humanity, he (or she, sorry feminists) would find that most of human actions are just exercises in silliness. We wake up when we are still sleepy, put on an outfit manufactured by cutting up fabrics into weird shapes, tie a cloth around our necks, sit in a 1 ton machine with four rubber disks at the bottom (and one extra disk in the trunk) and go to a place to earn pieces of paper which have some arbitrary value, while continuously imbibing strange caffeine-laden concoctions.

Yes, humans and their actions are silly and perhaps the silliest thing humans ever invented is language. We use language all the time and unlike Bilawal Bhutto, we usually make sense. But, we never realize how weird some of the things we say are. Take the phrase ‘I took the bus to work’ for example. Unless you’re the Incredible Hulk

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Ganesha Comes To India

Sitting at Mt.Kailash all day is just so boring                                                       
He knew he had to get away from his house                                                   
So, the pot-bellied God decided to go touring                                                    
He packed his bags and whistled for his mouse

Deciding where to go was a bit of a bother
                                                   
He looked at the globe and tried to pick a spot
                                              
Into the room entered his well-travelled brother
                                              
He took a pen and on the globe put a random dot

The dot landed on a country in Asia
                                                                  
A land steeped in history and with lots of fame
                                              
‘This is the perfect time

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What Kind Of Quiz Taker Are You?

Human history is sometimes called a study of trends. What we do, how we do something and why do we do it. Some trends can change the world, like the idea of democracy, a government for the people, of the people and by the people. Some can cause wars, like the American idea of Democracy, a government for the oil, of the oil companies and by the oil lobbyists. But, more often than not, some trends are just plain useless. I think we as humanity owe it to ourselves to kill off some of these useless trends which have in a short space of time, pervaded our lives to the point where we can’t even remember how it all started. These trends need to die and they don’t deserve a nice, easy comfortable death either. They need to be stabbed in the back, shot in the chest, drawn and quartered, burnt at the stake and made to watch every Zayed Khan film ever made; you know just to be thorough.

And no

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Indian People Vs Desis

(This blogpost is inspired by this famous stand-up routine by comedian Chris Rock. )

I love Indian people but I hate desis.

You might think they’re the same but they’re not. They may look the same, sound the same but the important thing to remember is that a person is an Indian by birth, but becomes a desi purely by his or her actions. Desis come in all shapes and sizes, from all sections of society and all walks of life. An articulate banker in a 3-piece suit who forwards non-veg jokes to his secretary is as much a desi as a woman standing at the pani-puri stall clamouring for that one free masala puri. Desis are rude, narrow-minded, and they pretty much hate everyone, including each other and are best described as the yellow-coloured, sweaty pit-stain on the white T-shirt that is India.

So, what are the key differences? Well, for one thing, Indian people are super-smart. They are

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Pehchaan Kon?

If sociologists are asked to define the modern Indian society in just one sentence, they will probably use the equation: ‘A ∝ P’ where A = ‘Aukaat’ and P = ‘Pehchaan’. Known as ‘Odkhaan’ in Gujarati and ‘Proximity to Lalu Yadav’ in Bihari, it’s literal meaning is ‘Contacts i.e. ‘a list of people who you call only when you need a favor’.It is as much a part of an Indian’s life as is burping in public places, acting sanctimonious on Internet forums and marrying a stranger the moment you hit your mid -20s. (Early-20s if you’re girl, early-10s if you’re a girl from Haryana).

I would say at the onset that having contacts is not a bad thing. Man has evolved to become a social creature and needs the help and support of others to get through in life. Hell, we even coined a name for it: ‘Networking’ and wrote countless books about it. Trust humans to turn the simple art of conversation into

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Orkut Dies. Advani Still Alive.

Google has finally seen sense and shut down a social network which nobody was using. No, it’s not Google+. No, it’s not Google Buzz either. That died a pretty early death, like Zimbabwean cricketing ambitions. It is Orkut. Yes, the social network which was a breeding ground for people wH0 wR!T3 lYk d1s has finally been taken off the ventilator. Indians everywhere will reminisce fondly about how they wrote scrap after scrap to pretty girls hoping that at least one of them would respond to their ‘fraandship reqest’ while waiting impatiently for the jpeg of the ‘Hot Mallu Aunty’ to load in the minimized window. Unless the phone rang and reset the internet connection, at which point they screamed at the dial-up internet modem as if they were an Indian parent and the modem was their daughter who had decided to marry someone belonging to a different caste.

Orkut was apparently developed by a

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Pass The Visa, Barack

Cue The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air intro

This is a story all about how

A Gujju’s life twist-turned upside down

I’d like to take a minute, just sit there looking fly

And don’t worry, it’s not a visa story about this Gujju guy

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Yes, I know a Gujju applying for a US Visa is an image bordering on hardcore racism. Stick a dhokla in my mouth and an iPod with Falguni Pathak songs in my pocket and you’ve got a stereotype on par with a drunken Punjabi, a dark-skinned rice-loving Madrasi and a chillum smoking Haryanvi Tau who looks a lot like a Spanish football coach.

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Before the day of the interview, I decided to get some tips from people who’ve already experienced it, because apparently a random stranger’s experience is applicable to every other person in the world. Being the tech-savvy (Read: Facebook using) person that I am, I joined a group where people share their visa interview (VI)

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Duniya GOAL Hai

Get ready to cheer for unpronounceable names like Choupo- Moting for the greatest sporting event in the world is here and unlike the Beijing Olympics it doesn’t stink of child labour and cockroach manchurian. It is time once again for the FIFA World Cup, the quadrennial event which celebrates football, known as ‘The Beautiful Game’ across the world, ‘Soccer’ in the USA and ‘The-Sport-We-Play-When-The-Rich-Guy-Forgets-The-Bat’ in India. For 32 days, we will bear witness to grace and poise, large spheres being knocked about and absolutely jaw-dropping sights. Yes, I am obviously talking about the hot ‘phoren’ women in the audience. Only the white ones obviously, we wouldn’t leer at a dark-skinned Nigerian even if you paid us.

But I digress. The focus of the world is on Brazil, where new stadiums have been built and new methods of spreading corruption have been discovered, some which could

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Bechdel Test on Indian Movies

The Bechdel Test was devised by American cartoonist Alison Bechdel in 1985. It tries to ascertain whether a work of fiction does or does not conform to gender biases. A work is said to have passed the Bechdel Test if it

  1. Has atleast two female characters
  2. Who talk to each other
  3. About something other than a man

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Here , we present some Indian movies and run them through this test

Dhoom 3- FAILS
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a. Has only one female character played by Katrina Kaif

Chennai Express - FAILS
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a. Only one major female character played by Deepika Padukone

Ek Tha Tiger – FAILS
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a. Single female character

3 Idiots - FAILS
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a. More than one female character

b. Mona Singh and Kareena Kapoor’s characters do talk to each other

c. No actual scene where they talk about something else than a man

Dabangg - FAILS
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a. More than one female character

b. Characters played by Dimple Kapadia

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