What Kind Of Quiz Taker Are You?

Human history is sometimes called a study of trends. What we do, how we do something and why do we do it. Some trends can change the world, like the idea of democracy, a government for the people, of the people and by the people. Some can cause wars, like the American idea of Democracy, a government for the oil, of the oil companies and by the oil lobbyists. But, more often than not, some trends are just plain useless. I think we as humanity owe it to ourselves to kill off some of these useless trends which have in a short space of time, pervaded our lives to the point where we can’t even remember how it all started. These trends need to die and they don’t deserve a nice, easy comfortable death either. They need to be stabbed in the back, shot in the chest, drawn and quartered, burnt at the stake and made to watch every Zayed Khan film ever made; you know just to be thorough.

And no other trend deserves to die more than the online personality quizzes . Almost everyone has taken one of them and if you deny this, well congratulations you just scored ‘A Very Bad One’ on the ‘What Kind of a Liar Are You?’ quiz. These online quizzes are everywhere, the only thing which had a more visible presence on social media was Narendra Modi’s election campaign and with that over, we have reached a point where making jokes on Rahul Gandhi is now classified as cruelty towards those who are differently abled. So, with no other recreation in sight, online quizzes have become really popular because they tell people white lies just to make them feel good about themselves. These quizzes describe how someone is EXACTLY like Sirius Black from the Harry Potter universe or how someone should ABSOLUTELY live in Paris, when that someone gets scared about boarding a train at Dadar or how you are PERFECT for dating Scarlett Johansson, when actually you are more single than Lance Armstrong’s nut.

So what exactly are these quizzes? Well, if you’ve ever used the internet for something other than porn, which is quite unlikely if you’re an engineering student, you’ll agree that they are pretty hard to miss. Every second post on your social media stream is from that one girl you accidently friend-requested after a night of heavy drinking, gushing about how she is ‘Snow White’ from the ‘Which Disney Princess Are You?’ quiz and her friends commenting on the said post telling her how true it is. Fact check, if your friends say that you are exactly like a girl who lived alone in the forest with 7 midgets for company, you need to get new friends. You have sites like Buzzfeed and its 124921 clones which spout out more quizzes in a day than the number of dumb comments a Goan MLA makes about bikinis. The way these quizzes work is really mysterious. They consist of random questions, like ‘What is Your Favorite Color’, ‘Which Actress Would You Date’ and ‘Would You Rather Have Diarrhea or Listen to Another Yo Yo Honey Singh Song?’(Pro Tip: The first option is the saner one) .Then, they take all the seemingly unrelated answers and mix them together in one heady cocktail and give you a random answer while also telling you how smart you are, how talented you are and how everyone loves you. This is a bitter pill to swallow in all fairness, because if you really were that sort of person, you wouldn’t be taking such a quiz in the first place.

Now, initially these quizzes had some good themes, but over time, they have become stupider than a mutant formed by combining Paris Hilton, Alia Bhatt and Laloo Prasad Yadav.(Something which both Magneto and Professor Charles Xavier would reject). Speaking of Laloo, I am certain that Buzzfeed Bihar has a ‘Bhaat Kaind Of Budbak Are You, Babua ?’ quiz somewhere and that’s not even half as idiotic as some of the others. I am not making things up when I say that these are some of the quizzes out there

What’s Haunting Your House? – The broken dreams of my family when I told them I do not want to be a doctor or an engineer

What Does Your Favorite Junk Food Say About Your Sex Life? – Junk Food and Sex Life are disjoint sets. Like ‘Indian Cricket Team’ and ‘Teams That Win Matches Abroad’

How Will You Meet Your Soulmate? – Through relatives who will pressure you to get married just because you are 25 now

What Should You Actually Name Your Baby?- How does ‘Broken Condom’ sound?

Which South American Country Do You Actually Belong In? – Dude, an Indian in South America? You’re actually promoting mugging here

So, here’s a bit of advice which everyone should remember the next time they want to take such a quiz : DON’T. Don’t narrow your entire personality into a one-line pithy statement which you’ll probably forget in about 10 minutes. Don’t waste your time and for the love of God, don’t share your results on social media, because deep down even you know that you are NOT Monisha Sarabhai or Krishna or Gabbar Singh. You are just that sad, miserable lonely person who constantly wages a battle with himself or herself every morning, just to get out of bed, put on that fake smile, make fake conversation with your fake friends and achieve that fake satisfaction with your fake career.

Yup, that’s what almost everyone’s life is like.

Now, isn’t that liberating?


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